HONEYMOON .... A young couple left the church and arrived

HONEYMOON .... A young couple left the church and arrived 

at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their 

honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.  

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, 

"What's wrong with your feet?  Your toes look all mangled and 

weird.

"I had tolio as a child," he answered.



"You mean polio?" she asked.



"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." 



When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked 

"What's wrong with your knees?  They're all lumpy and 

deformed!" 


"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.


"You mean measles?" she asked.. 


"No, kneasles.  It was a strange illness that only affected my 

knees." 

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. 


As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his 

underwear. 

"Don't tell me," she said. 

"Let me guess... Smallcox".

Mistakes in childhood can be erased

"We used pencil,when we were small
But
Now we use pens..
Do u know why?
B'coz
Mistakes in childhood can be erased
But not now."
Strange but true.

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven.

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven.

When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area, which was about the size of Massachusetts. There were millions of people living  

In tents. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.

Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, a staffer in his late teens approached him. The young man was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow letters.

"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator."

Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him.

"No, I'm not the Archangel Gabriel. I'm a guy from Philadelphia named Gabriel who died in a car wreck at 17. Now give me your name, last name first, unless you were Chinese, in which case it's first name first."

"Gates, Bill."

Gabriel started searching through the sheaf of papers on his clipboard, looking for Bill's Record of Earthly Works.

"What's going on here?" asked Bill. "Why are all these people here? Where's St. Peter? Where are the pearly gates?"

Gabriel ignored the questions until he located Bill's records. "It says here that you were the president of a large software company. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well do the math! When this St. Peter business started, it was easy. Only a hundred or so people died every day, and Peter could handle it by himself."

"But now there are over five billion people on earth. When God said to 'go forth and multiply,' he didn't say 'like rabbits!' Ten thousand people die every hour, over a quarter-million a day. Do you think Peter can meet them all personally?"

"I guess not."

"You guess right. So he had to franchise the operation. Now, Peter is  

The CEO of Team Peter Enterprises, Inc. Franchisees like me handle the actual inductions."

Gabriel looked though his paperwork some more and then continued. "Your paperwork seems to be in order. And with a background like yours, you'll be getting a plum job assignment."

"Job assignment?"

"Of course. Did you expect to spend eternity sitting on your bum and drinking ambrosia? Heaven is a big operation. You have to pull your weight around here!" 

Gabriel took out a triplicate form, had Bill sign at the bottom, and then tore out the middle copy and handed it to Bill. "Take this down to induction center no. 23 and meet up with your occupational coordinator. His name is Abraham--and no, he's not that Abraham."

Bill walked to induction center no. 23 and met with Abraham after a mere six-hour wait.

"Heaven is centuries behind in building its data-processing infrastructure," explained Abraham. "As you've seen, we're still doing everything on paper. It takes us a week just to process new entries. Your job will be to supervise Heaven's new data processing center."

"We're building the largest computing facility in creation. Half a million computers connected by a multisegment fiber-optic network, all running into a back-end server network with a thousand CPUs on a gigabit channel. Fault tolerant, distributed processing, the works."

Bill could barely contain his excitement. "Wow! What a great job! This is really Heaven!"

"We're just finishing construction, and we'll be starting operations soon. Would you like to go see the center now?"

"You bet!"

Abraham and Bill caught the shuttle bus and went to Heaven's new data processing center. It was a truly huge facility, a hundred times bigger than the Astrodome. Workers were crawling all over the place, getting the miles of fiber optic cables properly installed.

But the center was dominated by the computers. Half a million computers, arranged nearly row-by-row, half a million...  

Macintoshes... All running Linux software! All open source! Not a single byte of Microsoft code!

The thought of spending eternity using products he had spent his whole life working to destroy was too much for Bill.

He exclaimed. "What about Windows??? Excel??? Word???"

"You're forgetting something," said Abraham.

"What's that?" asked Bill plaintively.

"This is Heaven," explained Abraham. "If you want to build a data processing center based on PCs running Windows, then you'll have to go elsewhere!" 

What women should tell men...but don’t

What women should tell men...but don’t

1. The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies make jokes about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we’re watching football with you - it’s not bonding - it’s their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

6. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.

8. The next time you make jokes about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.

11. When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.

12. We don’t mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance - in fact, please do!

13. When you’re out with us, please wear “our” favorite outfit rather than “yours” - the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.

14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. A negative grunt.

15. Don’t insist that we “get off the stupid phone” and then not talk to us.

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily “women’s work”; besides, most of the “dirt” and clutter is yours anyway.

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling… however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss. 

Enjoying in burning hotness- thats our vacations.

Enjoying in burning hotness- thats our vacations.
Shivering with d fear of result- thats our winter.
Have an empty pocket with Ideas for a world tour- thats our passion.
Thinking of making long long calls to friends wd a balance of RS 2.43 thats da love for friends.
Want to study when nothing is to study n hate to study when there really is sumthing to study-
Well thats us:-P its Fun 2 b Young!

A man in a Bar orders Champagne.

A man in a Bar orders Champagne.
Lady next to him:
What a Coincidence, I've ordered Chmpagne too!
Man:I'm celebrating
Lady:Me too!
Man:What a coincidence, Celebrating what?
Lady: Hubby & I have tried for years for a baby.Today I'm pregnant !
Man:What a coincidence.I'm a Farmer.For years my Hens were infertile. Today all are laying eggs.
Lady:Wow! How did it Happen
Man:I brought a different Cock
Lady Smiled,and said what a coincidence @